Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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