the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
