Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
