how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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