just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
