i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
