uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
a search helicopter?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
