Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize