Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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