you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize