I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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