She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
