So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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