how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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