do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
