dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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