so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
