I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize