do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
