Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
