the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
