you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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