I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My life is pants optional.
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