there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
