please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
