WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
