Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
