she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize