I want to walk on stilts...naked
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
