another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
