Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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