So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
