remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
