i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
