i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
