Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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