I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
