I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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