I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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