I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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