Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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