you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
