There was a lot of him and a little penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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