Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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