I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
