hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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