I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
