get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
