i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
40s are totally the cure
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
