Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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