I think im going to throw up on grandma
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
