worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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