a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
