The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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