addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
