Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
