Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
