Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
