she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
