hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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