Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
