i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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