i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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