When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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