first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize