I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
