Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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