So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
