At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
