Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
