either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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