dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
