omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just cut my nipple shaving
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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