Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
