How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
