hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize