More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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