I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize