zippers are such a cool invention
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
