the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
