omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
