thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize