Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
