It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
