Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
