I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
