Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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