i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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