Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
