why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
