Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize