Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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