How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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