It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
