and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize