Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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