you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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