I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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