the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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