My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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