And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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