What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
