I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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