My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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