I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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