I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
