so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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