508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He better not be in your backpack
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
