I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
