Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
