The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
