You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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