I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
