He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
