I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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