I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize