haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
