he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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