He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
